“Life is full and overflowing with the new. But it is necessary to empty out the old to make room for the new to enter.” – Eileen Caddy
Breaking the Invisible Chains of Your Past
Last month, we began our transformational journey with the first of seven steps from Katherine Woodward Thomas’s Calling in “The One”. You set your intention for partnership—a brave declaration to the universe and to yourself. Now comes the more revealing work: examining why that intention hasn’t already manifested in your life.
Think of your relationship patterns as invisible chains. You can’t see them, but you feel their weight and restriction. Every time you try to move forward, something pulls you back to familiar territory—even when that territory is painful or unfulfilling.
The Echo Chamber of Love
Have you ever stood between two mirrors and witnessed the infinite reflections stretching into the distance? Your relationship patterns work similarly—each experience echoes the previous one, creating a seemingly endless repetition of:
- Partners who are emotionally unavailable when you need them most
- Relationships where your needs come second (or aren’t considered at all)
- Intense connections that burn bright but extinguish quickly
- Partnerships where you slowly disappear into the other person
Deeper question: What if these patterns aren’t obstacles to your love story, but essential chapters of it? What if each repetition is trying to teach you something crucial about yourself?
The Archaeology of Your Heart
Before creating something new, an archaeologist must carefully excavate the old. Similarly, before calling in “The One,” we must delve into the layered sediment of our past experiences.
Find a quiet space. Light a candle. Open your journal. As you write, imagine yourself as both the archaeologist and the dig site–approaching your discoveries with curiosity rather than judgement.
Consider:
- Who taught you your first lessons about love? What were those lessons?
- What unspoken rules govern your relationships (“Never ask for too much,” “Always be the giver,” “Don’t fully trust”)
- If your relationship pattern were trying to protect you from something, what would it be?
The Mirror of Attraction
My own journey revealed a pattern of choosing unavailable men—accomplished professionals
who showed interest but maintained emotional distance. They deflected conversations about
commitment, keeping things perpetually casual.
The breakthrough came when I recognized my own unavailability. Even as I sought connection,
part of me was always poised for exit, scanning for reasons why it wouldn’t work. I was
simultaneously pursuing and fleeing intimacy.
Reflection Challenge:
- How might you be unconsciously creating the very patterns you consciously despise?
- Where are you the author of your own disappointment?
The Compassionate Witness Practice
I invite you to this transformative 10-minute meditation:
- Find a quiet space and settle into a comfortable seated position
- Close your eyes and take several deep, grounding breaths
- Bring to mind your most persistent relationship pattern
- Notice where this pattern lives in your body—is there tightness, heaviness, or emptiness?
- Place a hand gently where you feel this sensation strongest
- Say inwardly: “I see you. I hear you. This makes complete sense.”
- Ask with genuine curiosity: “What are you trying to protect me from?”
- Listen without judgment, as you would to a dear friend sharing their deepest fear
- Thank this part of yourself for its protective intention, however misguided it may now be
- Visualize yourself gently releasing this pattern—not forcing or banishing it, but allowing it to dissolve
This isn’t just a one-time exercise. Return to it whenever you feel yourself sliding into familiar
patterns. The layers of awareness will deepen with each practice.
From Recognition to Revolution
Awareness is powerful but incomplete. True transformation requires action. This week, I challenge you to make one revolutionary commitment toward breaking your pattern:
- Write a formal forgiveness letter to someone who wounded your heart (this isn’t for sending–it’s for your freedom)
- Identify one relationship where your boundaries are consistently crossed and consciously establish a new limit
- Create a daily ritual of affirming your worthiness of love that doesn’t require earning or chasing
Your Courageous Next Step
The patterns that have shaped your love lift weren’t created overnight, and they won’t transform in an instant. But with consistent awareness and deliberate action, you can gradually rewrite your relationship story.
What if the barriers you’ve encountered weren’t meant to keep love away, but to ensure that when it arrives, you’ll be truly ready to receive it?
If this resonates with you but feels overwhelming to navigate alone, remember that walking this path with support can accelerate and deepen your transformation. I invite you to schedule a complimentary consultation to explore how personalized coaching might serve your journey:
https://aroigcoaching.com
Join me next month for Week Three: Transforming Your Love Identity–where we’ll explore how to consciously create the self who is capable of both giving and receiving extraordinary love.
Remember: The relationship you create with yourself doesn’t just set the foundation for other relationships–it IS the most important relationship of your life. Approach yourself with the tenderness and patience you would offer your dearest love.