Part I: The Generous Heart
“I am more interested in being safe than I am in being loved.”
There’s a confession that stops people in their tracks.
I grew up with an alcoholic father and a mother working overtime to make up for the both of them. As eldest with two siblings, I managed the home. With the chaos, I became an expert at reading the room, maybe even hypervigilant, anticipating danger. Maybe you know this feeling too. Protection over connection.
We say we want love and we really do mean it. We create dating profiles with hopeful hearts, go to events even when we’re tired, ask friends to set us up. We’re genuinely trying. But here’s the uncomfortable truth I learned through Katherine Woodward Thomas’ work:
“Most of us will pretend to be looking for love while covertly doing all we can to kill off any possibility of it.”
Ouch. That one landed hard!
How do we do this? Through a thousand small protections that feel completely justified in the moment. We hold back our full enthusiasm. We test people before trusting them. We wait for absolute proof before we risk showing up fully. We keep one foot out the door, just in case things go sideways.
And here’s the thing—these strategies worked once. They kept us safe when we needed safety. But now? Now they’re keeping us alone.
What is “Living the Question”?
In Week Six of Calling in The One, we’re invited to “live the question”—to stay curious rather than defensive. To notice without judgment. To create space for truth to emerge, even when it’s uncomfortable.
My truth: Can it be that I am more interested in being safe than I am in being loved?
I invite you to feel into this question. Don’t rush to answer it. Just let it sit with you. Notice your patterns. Check your daily choices.
Where do you withhold when you could be open?
Where do you protect when you could risk?
Where do you wait for proof when you could offer trust?
These questions aren’t about blame. They’re about awareness, about seeing what’s actually running the show.
Now, this doesn’t mean jumping in recklessly or ignoring your instincts. In my own eagerness to connect, I’ve sometimes swung too far the other way. I’d miss obvious red flags, give people the benefit of the doubt before they’d done anything to earn real trust or create genuine safety. That’s not generous—that’s just abandoning yourself.
The real invitation here is this: What if I could learn to keep myself safe while also staying connected? What if protection and openness weren’t opposites?
That’s the practice. That’s the edge we’re all walking.
In part II, we will go deeper and do a little practice.
Ready to explore your own patterns around love and safety? I’d love to support you in this journey. [Click here to book a session]